the flu...

it is absolutely amazing to me how something you can't even see can whoop your butt. i am just recovering from the flu and boy oh boy i am so glad it is over. now back to blogging. not sure if anyone even sees my little rantings but it sure makes me feel better. i think everyone shold have one. lol until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

smooth sailing?

its interesting to me how quickly life changes. just when you think you are heading in the direction you want life says "hey stupid look what i got for ya". i will deal with the bumps as i always do but dang it when is it ever gonna be smooth sailing? just for a little while would be nice. anywho...until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

need to say no...

i am always telling my friend that he needs to learn to say no to people. i wish i could learn to say no to myself. i do things that others could just as easily take care of then i get tired and resent not having time to do the fun stuff. i am a list kind of person so i am thinking that maybe if i pencil in the fun stuff i will feel like i am doing the things i need to do and satisfying the creative part of me that really needs to scrapbook more often. as with all of us i am merely a work in progress. i will find the balance eventually. until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

maybe i am shallow...

don't try to read between the lines with me. to be honest i really don't think about things that much. i try to keep my life as simple as possible. your life is your business so just go do you and be happy. don't act like you gotta be secretive with me about the choices you make. i truly don't think about it as much as you think i do. until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

the next step...

i have been busy the last couple of days helping a friend move on to the next step in their spiritual growth if you will. its so interesting to really just be quiet and listen to what folks are saying. sometimes its not with words. i think more often its with their actions. its been interesting the last couple of days to experience so many emotions with my friend. fear, joy, annoyance, elation, disappointment and even peace. when you really hear people i think they become a part of you. sometimes its good sometimes its bad but its always fascinating to me. as always i hope for the best for my friend. i'm gonna miss you bud.
until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

to be Chynna for a day...

so many labels they try to give my little Chynna-doll.

early onset bi-polar, adhd, ocd, and MR to name a few i have heard thrown around. i think they should spend a day in her world as she sees it. maybe then they could see her for who she really is and help her in the best way possible.

it makes me sad that they miss the happy performer i get to see when she is in her up cycles. as her mother i will keep trying to help her cope and find her balance. i truly believe that if we can just get the chaos to subside she can do so many amazing things. anywho...until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

backing away...

it's interesting how people come in and out of our lives and effect us in such different ways.
she seemed kinda unimportant but i think she was placed in my path to make me see some of my own personality flaws.
why do i think i deserve to have the man i feel most connected with?
why do i think i can make a long distance relationship work?
why do i think i am better than her because i don't need a relationship?
many things for me to ponder. until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

taking some time...

today i am taking the time i need to do the things that make me feel better. a little spring cleaning and then maybe some scrapbooking. i think the kodak camera and printer i got as a gift was the best thing ever. i like the joy i get from taking pictures, printing them, and scrapping them. now i just need a room to do it in.
part of my spring cleaning today will be actually cleaning out my daughter's old room and maybe making it into a craft room for myself. ooh...how selfish is that? as i get older i realize that sometimes little "selfish" acts are what keep our spirits replenished and then we are able to continue to help others. if all we ever do is give pretty soon we are spiritually empty. and lord knows you are a fool if you rely on someone else to replenish your spirits.
so i say try to be a little "selfish" everyday. i think you will be pleased with how much better you feel about things. until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

why dont people see things like i do?

black and white...it's simple man. why do people get so caught up in the grey areas of thinking? life doesn't have to be so hard. getting caught up in "poor me" thinking has become reality for so many people. my philosophy is sh#t or get off the pot. i don't want to hear you complaining unless you are working to change what you can about the situation. i am a firm believer that if you can't change your circumstances right now than change how you look at them. if you stop being a victim in your head than you can't be controlled by the situation. people only have as much power over you as you give them. life is so short be happy in the little things around you. even a weed poking through the cement should show us the power of continuing to reach up in our lives.
ok this is me climbing down off my box...lol. until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

Quote for today...

"My friend if I could give you one thing, I would wish for you the ability to see yourself the way others see you. Then you would realize what a truly special person you are."
-B.A. Billingsly

"Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind."
-William James

"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks."
-Jack Penn

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain."
-unknown

"Remember: The light at the end of the tunnel may be you."
-Aerosmith

These are just a few of my favorites. I am sure there will be more to come. But today I am feeling these. Life really is merely about the way we as individuals perceive it. Choose to only see the negative and thats all that will present itself to you. Anywho...until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

one sauce many meals

well i finally got my bills up to zero this month. woo-hoo. cant do much for groceries but we are caught up financially and thats awesome. i am making a huge meaty sauce in my crock pot right now. i figure i can use it for a lot of meals since chynna loves any pasta and its just her and i now. wouldn't it be nice not to have to think about such things? but then again i dont think i would be who i am if i didnt struggle like this. and i like me. lol enough dribble for today. thanks for joining me on this silly blogging journey. until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

"To live is to struggle. To survive is to find meaning in the struggle." -DMX

The Beginning of a Beginning

ok so this is my first post to see how this all works. knowing me i will have this figured out and be driving everyone crazy with my thoughts every day...lol. until next time. hugs, mama carolyn

"The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn." -H.G. Wells